Ten Things Men Need in their Closets
I thought there might be some practical or least amusing tips.
It starts off innocuous enough:
1) WHITE OXFORD BUTTON-DOWN SHIRT: The white button-down can be worn with a suit and tie, on its own with a pair of jeans, or underneath a sweater. May we suggest: Cotton button-down shirt ($40) by Izod.
Granted I assumed Izod went out of business in the 80s, but I wouldn't consider $40 outrageous for a quality button down. Really not a bad tip, but sort of obvious, even I have a button down shirt somewhere.
2) LIGHTWEIGHT CASHMERE V-NECK SWEATER: A thin cashmere sweater can be worn every month save for August. Goes with jeans or underneath a suit jacket. May we suggest: Cashmere V-neck ($178) by Banana Republic.
OK this I don't have, but I also don't sing Perry Como songs in the shower. In the past I would have assumed $178 was ridiculous for a sweater, but I have seen how much work my mother puts into knitting one. I still wouldn't pay this. If I wanted a sweater I would just have to call my mother once in a while to let her know I was alive and what color sweater I would like. Although I think I am still going to hold out for a Batman/Superman sweater like the one she knitted one of my nephews a few years back.
I am having a problem with this suggestion other than the Perry Comoesqueness of it. When I think of Banana Republic I either think of clothes that would make sense while tromping through the jungle, Khaki pants, big hat, mosquito net burqua, or something a Colombian Drug Lord would wear, jungle camouflage, boots, bandoliers with lots of shiny bullets. I just can't picture this sweater there:
El Puerco: Juan, after we get back from dropping of this cocaine shipment, lets say we pour some chablis, settle in the hottub and put on that new Perry Como album.
Juan: El, you know I would much prefer Paul Anka or Englebert Humperdink.
El Puerco: I'll wear my new yellow lightweight cashmere v-neck sweater.
Juan: The one from Banana Republic?
El Puerco: Of course. So, Perry?
Juan: Singing, Papa loves mambo/Mama loves mambo/Look at 'em sway with it/Gettin' so gay with it/Shoutin' "olay" with it, wow (huh)
And on it goes recommending an $178 pair of jeans, $500 shoes, and the creme-de-la-creme. The must have for every man's closet:
8) OVERNIGHT BAG: Because a man never knows when he might have to flee at a moment's notice, make sure it's big enough to carry two nights' worth of stuff. May we suggest: Taiga-leather Kendall bag ($1,510) by Louis Vuitton.
That is right $1.5K for an overnight bag. I was speechless (truly a miracle some are thinking - don't worry I will recover), so I did some research. What is Taiga leather (it is not made from the skin of an effeminate tiger like I first suspected) and why does it cost so much? Scouring the internets, where all is revealed, I happened upon the answer (on the Louis Vuitton website):
...the Taiga leather is next. Described as an "exceptionally fine cowhide with a sober grain." It is used in a range of men's luggage and city items available in green, grey and Acajou, a dark plum tone.
It seems there is a serious problem keeping cows sober. One of the ancient problems of the fashion industry is that besotted cows produce leather with an inferior grain and cows do like their corn whiskey to excess. Only at Louis Vuitton have they been able to successfully institute a twelve step program among the herds. They are still having troubles in India because the cows consider themselves to be sacred and are refusing step one where they are supposed to acknowledge a higher power.
Who is their target audience, do these consumers really exist?