I hadn't seen Meryl nearly as much after she got sick; she was pretty busy taking care of herself, and trying to keep her life in order. I did manage too see her about once a month, for tea or visiting her some of the many times she was in the hospital. We chatted via IM a few times per month also. I mentally knew Meryl had died, but I don't think I fully realized it until her Birthday on Friday, a birthday she shares with Barney (of course that is because Meryl picked Barney's birthday). I knew the party on Saturday would be the real acknowledgment that Meryl was dead.
But I did go. It was good to see her sister, who I met once before. It was a quick meeting last time; they were staying on the barge and I dropped by to see if everything was ok. I hadn't realized then how much she looks and sounds like Meryl. She also has a similar sense of humour. Her son, who she always talked about but I had never met, was there. He was really glad to meet me as Meryl had told him about me and apparently she told him good things (even being a sarcastic NYer Meryl barely spoke badly of anyone).
At first I couldn't think of much too say, but as conversation went on, I remembered a lot of little stories about Meryl that they were glad to hear. I also ate something with refined sugar, Meryl's sister brought Meryl's favouritest food: a chocolate mud cake from Umanoff & Parsons in NYC. I couldn't not have a small piece.
I was pretty sad after the party. I still read Meryl's old emails, she is still on my IM contacts list (although not logged in), and I still have the journal she never posted to on my friends list. But now it is different, I don't just know she is gone, I can feel it and it makes me sad, as it should.