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Grizzly Weinstein
.:.::.. .:.:.::.:

April 2009
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Grizzly Weinstein [userpic]
Meryl's Life Celebration

Saturday was Meryl's Life Celebration. I was both looking forward to going and not looking forward to it. All morning I delayed getting ready for it. Avoiding it was pretty easy; Jerry and I had a burn up by his trailer, we are clearing the old gravel path so he can move the trailer back further from the driveway and build a small porch for it. It was pretty easy to get lost in gathering brush and chatting with Jerry. Barney was up at the burn too, keeping us safe from the squirrels who were just hiding out of sight. I probably would have been really late for Meryl's party if Jerry hadn't mentioned that I should start getting ready.

I hadn't seen Meryl nearly as much after she got sick; she was pretty busy taking care of herself, and trying to keep her life in order. I did manage too see her about once a month, for tea or visiting her some of the many times she was in the hospital. We chatted via IM a few times per month also. I mentally knew Meryl had died, but I don't think I fully realized it until her Birthday on Friday, a birthday she shares with Barney (of course that is because Meryl picked Barney's birthday). I knew the party on Saturday would be the real acknowledgment that Meryl was dead.

But I did go. It was good to see her sister, who I met once before. It was a quick meeting last time; they were staying on the barge and I dropped by to see if everything was ok. I hadn't realized then how much she looks and sounds like Meryl. She also has a similar sense of humour. Her son, who she always talked about but I had never met, was there. He was really glad to meet me as Meryl had told him about me and apparently she told him good things (even being a sarcastic NYer Meryl barely spoke badly of anyone).

At first I couldn't think of much too say, but as conversation went on, I remembered a lot of little stories about Meryl that they were glad to hear. I also ate something with refined sugar, Meryl's sister brought Meryl's favouritest food: a chocolate mud cake from Umanoff & Parsons in NYC. I couldn't not have a small piece.

I was pretty sad after the party. I still read Meryl's old emails, she is still on my IM contacts list (although not logged in), and I still have the journal she never posted to on my friends list. But now it is different, I don't just know she is gone, I can feel it and it makes me sad, as it should.

Current Music: Innisfree Ceoil - Coolin

*big hugs*

I remember having lunch with you and Meryl at Microsoft. :( I just read the entry about Barney, and I wasn't sure what you meant by him playing with Meryl and Chewy. I knew that Chewy was gone, but I don't think you ever told me when Meryl passed away. A lot of my mother's middle aged friends are sick, and some have already died. It's hard to handle. I suppose I grew up insulated from death. Is that how it is for most of us? When someone dies, the body is covered, specialists take over, we see the coffin going into the ground, and then... it's like the person hasn't really died, just disappeared. I've been thinking about that lately, with my Uncle Brian's sudden demise and his funeral and shiva.

I'm really sorry to hear about both Meryl and Barney. And I'm sorry that you and I haven't seen each other in years. I'm afraid to travel now, feeling as sick as I do, but maybe I should one of these days, because who knows how much longer I'll be strong enough for much? I feel like an eighty year old. :(

If you want, e-mail me sometime... Or phone me... I can give you my numbers in e-mail if you've lost them.