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Grizzly Weinstein
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April 2009
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Grizzly Weinstein [userpic]
Hey, Howya Doin...

I was walking down the hallway at work (as I often do) and passed a coworker (this happens a lot also). He said "Hey".
I replied via reflexive action, "Hey, Howya Doin?".
He responded "I'm doin good", pause, "I guess".

I have heard this many times and for some reason it struck me as silly today. I said, "You have to guess how you feel? You don't know?". He told me he wasn't doing good (i.e. work is a pain in the ass, and he would prefer to be out having sex with some young hot babe).

So I started to think, the reflexive action is just to answer "Good" or "OK", because that is what people expect. Then you quickly realize you are not doing well, so you add something such as "I guess" or "sort of". We actually understand when people say this they are not doing good. Interesting how actual words can have nothing to do with communication.

After thinking about this I further realized, I didn't give a shit how he was doing. Certainly I care some, but he is obviously walking and at work. I wasn't expecting, "Terrible, my testicles have swollen to the size of grapefruits from staring at too much internet porn. If I wasn't such a sorry bastard and had a wife, she would have left me long ago because I can't get it up without the internet."

So I have decided to try to not use stock responses in the future. I need to mentally train in some surprise replies, this will derail the reflexive action of the conversation.
Howya doin?:
Feeling shorter than usual today.
Tapeworm is driving me nuts, it has been humming the same stupid tune all day.
Shhhh, do you hear that?
Depends, what time is it?
Do you hear that evil laugh too?
How would Jesus Feel?
Bad, my past as a priest is catching up to me.

My friend Xi, just came in and said, "Hey, how ya doin".
Apparently in China instead of "How are you doing" they say "Have you eaten". Although it is more prevalent around lunch time.

Nasdaq Casino Update AMZN up 8.6% today. Wow, if this keeps up I might start thinking I was wrong. When you see me sleeping in the gutter talking to myself, try not to rub it in.

Current Mood: Good, I guess
Current Music: Steve Markowitz - 15 Solos
Greeting rituals

At home, instead of asking "How ya doin'?" we simply make chicken noises and flap our arms. It serves the same purpose which is simply to acknowledge someone's existence.
I always hated the "How ya doin'?" ritual. It implies that you care, when you don't and begs the question "How 'bout yerself?". If I respond appropriately, they may actually tell me. I hate that.
Some more smart assed answers to ruin the mindless ritual and make people ponder why they ask you anything:
"Feeling a little gassy."
"Shhh. I hear balloons."
"I got a zit the size of St.Helens between my shoulder blades, you think you could pop it for me?"
"The aliens are using a new lube that makes my buttcheeks numb for days."
"Better since the labotomy."
"Dave's not here."
"Just been diagnosed with Turrets actually.""COCKSUCKER!"
"Better since I fucked your wife."
But I am not procrastinating or anything.

Re: Greeting rituals

My stomach hurts I'm laughing so hard at this one. I never used to think about this one until I got together with Brad. He would actually engage people and get them (in a very short time) to actually reveal themselves. He was especially good at it at the grocery store with the checkout people. It was amazing to watch and it made me realize how very superficial the usual interaction really is.