In an effort to boost ratings Ted McGinley joins the Republican Party
April 18 2008
WASHINGTON, DC - In what can only be described as a last ditch effort to restore flagging popularity, the Republican Party announced its newest member today, Ted McGinley.
"Among Ted's unique qualifications are a stunning white smile and a beautiful wife." chides long time party supporter, Rupert Murdoch, who knows Ted well from his long stint as 'Jefferson D'Arcy on 'Married With Children'. He adds, "Other than being an obvious heterosexual who appeals to both women and gay men, Ted brings a gamut of bonus political capitol. We fully feel with this choice we can restore the Scottish vote, a bloc that used to vote solidly republican, that was until George W. Bush confused Scotland with Chile during a recent press conference - never let that man point to a map. Ted also has a history of giving one last ratings boost before a show actually dies. With Ted on board we might actually have the added time to finish up in Iraq - while we don't think he can buy us the 100 years necessary, he might buy us 20 or 30 years of distraction. That might very well be long enough for people to really not care anymore".
A local resident, George Bush, commented as such, "I have looked Ted in the eye, and I have seen his heart, it is a good heart, not one that has ever had an abortion or would allow us to attack terrorists, I mean allow us to re-attack terrorist in their homes, that is I mean, at his heart terrorism is bad and Ted knows terrorism."
Although it has not been officially announced, there much speculation that Ted is on McCain's short list of potential running mates. He would bring youth to balance the view many have of McCain's as too old to run the country.
McCain would not comment as he had not yet put in his teeth when questioned.
Ted did outline the campaign strategy he would use if chosen. "It is obvious that the questions of McCain's age and coolness need to be addressed. I think that nothing short of a physical feat of daring would quell the fears that people have. I am suggesting some sort of hip, youthful activity such as water-skiing. And nothing says daring more than jumping over a pool infested with man-eating sharks!"